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I’ve been struggling to summon the will to type an update for a few days now. There are many reasons for this, most of which are not very shocking.
1. School started!
My class load has pretty much doubled for this year, so I’ve been spending way more of my free time either writing lesson plans, arranging music, or grading music theory homework. I’m also working on bringing back our school’s drumline/pep band for this year in addition to teaching several flute lessons, so my after school hours are pretty busy.
Mark also started a full time university teaching gig as well, which is very exciting! But it also means we’re both up early and out later than we used to be.
Plus when we’re home, we have an adorable two year old who keeps us on our toes, so why sit and type when we can be playing together? Life is too short.
2. We are again in “building limbo”.
So what does that mean? It means that even though the septic field is finished, the house site is graded, the driveway is graveled, and the building permit application is finished, we still have to wait on a small snag we ran into with our house plan. It’s a long story that I don’t care to share, but it either means we’ll get the go-ahead soon or have to go back to the drawing board with our specific house plan. It’s not a major crisis, but it is frustrating to have to waste so many beautiful work days WAITING.
3. Me Me Me. Ugh.
I’ve found myself over the past few weeks, spurred by a few conversations with people I hold dear, really questioning who I want myself to be and trying to figure out how to be that person. I was letting a lot of negative and nasty emotions take control of me. I was being selfish and I feel like a lot of those feelings were seeping out through blogging and my vague attempts at promotion. “Look at my pins!” “Look at my tweets!” “Hey everyone, a status update I know you’re just DYING to read!” Inauthentic.
“Attract more readers!” “Write the content people really want!” “Grow your blog business by doing _____!” The more I fell down that rabbit hole, the the more I felt like a fraud. So I quit writing for a while. I didn’t want to write about me; I didn’t LIKE me. Heck, sometimes I still don’t, but I’m working on it. We all have those times, right? At the very least, I don’t want to put out some holier-than-thou fake version of me; a version of me who has it all together and knows exactly how to help you get it together too. That would be a lie, and that’s not what I want this blog to be about.
I want it to be about this cool house we’re trying fervently to build together. I want it to be about the cool things you can do to make everyday life with your family and your world a little bit better. I want it to eventually be about the nifty off-grid things we learn how to do. Repin if you want. Retweet and share if you want. Or don’t. It’s all good.
God doesn’t care how many readers I have, but He does care if I’m living truthfully or not. Therein lies my focus.